We were asked to write a short story, beginning with "the door swung open". I decided to take the extra challenge and made it exactly 200 words ending with "the door swung shut".
The door swung open and I was face to
face with the man who killed my mother. He wore a grey suite with sheen, too
expensive for the humble façade. Didn’t matter, I could see through him no
matter what he was wearing.
Bartholomew, they called him, as he put
his hand to the bible. He always hated that name but I was glad. I wouldn’t
have to hear the childhood nickname I gave him. Bear.
A new rush of blood heated my face. My
fingers went stiff and dropped my notebook. Leave it. I don’t want to miss a
second.
“What was your relationship with the
victim?” the Defence said.
Bear stared me down. Er, Bartholomew.
Was he trying to scare me? I stared right back. This was the first we’d made
eye contact since the police found us making out in the back of Bear’s Escalade.
Is that a tear on his face? That’s right
Bear, milk it. “Well, I . . .”
The lead homicide detective burst
through the door and stormed to the front. “Judge Spencer, we need to discuss-”
“Wait until recess,” the judge warned.
“We have a confession.” Slowly creaking,
the door swung shut.
Ah! Wait! What confession? You had me hooked and now the story is over. Drat. Great entry, Emily! :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice, Emily!
ReplyDeleteLoved this!! I wanted more--more of the confession, more of Bear, more of the making out in an Escalade--great job!
ReplyDeleteoh, you just left us hanging... I want more!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteOoohh, this leads to all kinds of questions. I want more. Great job. Mine is #72
ReplyDeletewait, someone else confessed?! I agree with the others, I want more.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I wanted to know more about her relationship with Bear, because it sounds like a complicated past. Thanks for joining in the Challenge, though.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you, and I'll be seeing you down the Campaign trail - I'm part of the Canadian Campaigners group!
What!! So short! Haha, you had me hooked real good :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I also staged my prompt in a court room! ... And with a girl whose lover was a murderer!
MIND TWINS ;)
Ha! Does this mean she, or he, made out with the wrong guy? Nice pace, good action, well done!
ReplyDeleteStobby
Very intriguing! I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I definitely want to know more. I liked the narrative voice.
ReplyDeleteThis was really interesting, there's already a complicated emotional set up, cool!
ReplyDeleteBtw, I've passed the versatile blogger award to you, check it out on my blog: http://iqurae.blogspot.com/
thank you everyone. It looks like I've managed to hook the reader - just what I wanted ;)
ReplyDelete